QUESTION:
How do I go forward in a difficult relationship? Right now, I just avoid this person so that I can keep my peace, but I know that's not the answer.
Every one of us needs something from each other. Sometimes it is a very superficial kind of need. Other times, it's a deeper, more important need. But we all have it.
In order to bring healing to a difficult relationship, we need to ask ourselves, "What does this person need from me?" Once people feel their needs starting to be fulfilled, barriers start to drop without any discussion about what caused the difficulty in the relationship. It's not really what we say. We need active ways to solve relationship problems. Does the person need acknowledgment? Does he or she need some kind of affirmation of who they are and how they believe? What do they need? They need something. Everyone needs something from everyone. If we look closely enough, we will find it.
First, we have to take the wall down. Second, we have to be observant. Sometimes, what somebody needs from us is so simple that all we have to do is show up. Being present is a way of saying, "I love you."
One of the worst things we can do is get into an argument with someone about something because somebody always loses. And that puts distance between us and the other person. It hurts someone and sometimes hurts both.
Some people are very selfish and it's difficult to lower that wall, but it can still be done. We have to find the one thing they need. If we find that, it's the key to unlocking the relationship.
May God bless you.